Friday, March 14, 2014

Be a Beach Not a Desert.

I almost titled this post “Be a Beach not a B**ch.”
Just to show that I am human, not a self righteous, perfect wife who does everything right.  I’ve been guilty of saying ugly words, arguing with my husband, yelling at my kids, and that’s all before breakfast has even been served.   And by breakfast, I mean waffles.
That was my disclaimer, just in case you were wondering.

As women, we need to encourage one another in everything, but especially in our marriage.  Here recently, I’ve learned some things about marriage that’s helped me SO much.  Marriage is a vow not only made to our husband, but to God as well.  Sometimes we forget that don’t we?  We focus on how WE feel: angry, sad, unappreciated, resentful, or hurt.  We don’t think about how our husbands may feel, or more importantly how displeasing our discontentment may be to God.  

I want to share what God has taught me and I’m asking you to have an open mind.  Don’t say, well she doesn’t know what I’ve been through or I bet her husband doesn’t act like mine, etc.  You’re right, I probably don’t, but the fact of the matter is that we all have something in common. WE ARE ALL SINNERS SAVED BY GOD’S GRACE.  NO ONE IS PERFECT.

I was doing my Bible reading one night and the scripture was Proverbs 21:19.

“Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife.”

Well tell me how you really feel, Solomon.  We don’t want to be that nagging, quarreling wife, but the truth is that we all have been and can be at times.  I made up my mind right then and there that I didn’t want to be a desert, I wanted to be a beach.  I want to be an environment that my husband can thrive in, his vacation if you will.  But how?  How do I become the wife God desires me to be?

These characteristics & comparisons came to mind.

THE DESERT                   THE DESERT WIFE
Extreme Climate              Temperamental & Argumentative
Dry                                 No Affection, Care or Concern
Rough Terrain                  Harsh, Negative, & Indifferent
Unquenchable Thirst        Withholding, Unable to Survive

THE BEACH                   THE BEACH WIFE
Steady Climate                Calm, Composed, & Peaceful
Breezy and Warm            Comfortable, Pleasant, & Happy
Soft Sand                        Compassionate, & Understanding
Plenty of Water                Quenching, Satisfying, & Pleasing

It became clear to me that 1. I NEEDED GOD in order to be a "beach wife”  2. I needed the desire to become a “beach wife”  3.  I needed to die to myself, in order to become a “beach wife.” 

It is hard to be a beach wife, when our husband is far from being a beach.  But don’t forget, you married that wannabe beach.  He is all yours.  Thankfully, as believers, we are not in it alone.  We will never become who we are meant to be without God; we will never reach our full potential without Him.  That is specially true in marriage.  God created us to need Him. They don’t call him Wonderful Counselor for nothing.  Seek and you will find Him.  Ask and it will be given to you.  When we seek God first, everything else will fall into place.  

We have to WANT to put in the work & fight for our marriage.  We have to want to not bash our husbands around our girlfriends.  We have to strive to be better for him because he deserves it, even when we don’t feel like he does.  We have to do this because our children are watching closer than we think.  To put it simply, we have to want our husbands. It’s NOT ok to NOT have sex with your husband.  God created this amazing, pleasing activity that you get to enjoy with your husband, guilt free.  You both need it to survive, so quench that thirst!  I promise when you give more, he will too.  

Dying to myself is the hardest part of marriage, in my opinion.  To put someone else above myself.  To disregard my own feelings.  To let things go and move on.  Less of me and more of him.  Here’s the truth, we aren’t perfect, but neither is he.  Our husbands are going to make mistakes, but I’m telling you that God says to pull the plank out of your own eye!  Look at your own contributions to the desert environment.  No one can survive in a desert for a long time, so don’t be a desert, be a beach.  Strive to be calm, peaceful, pleasant, compassionate, satisfying, and pleasing.  And when you’re not, ask for forgiveness and try harder.   You may not can fix him, but you can absolutely fix yourself and your attitude.  Forgiveness is pleasing to the soul.  

Marriage has been one of the best things to ever happen to me.  That doesn’t mean that it doesn’t have its ups and downs.  It just means that I’ve chosen someone to do life with and he deserves my best.  In conclusion, I challenge first myself, and then you to be a beach, not a desert.  Become the wife that your husband desires and that is pleasing to God.  It’s not going to be natural or easy, but I’m convinced that it will be so very worth it. 

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